Julia Stiles / Aerosmith
March 17, 2001

It's the 500th episode of SNL and you'd figure that
SNL would get a big time former cast member or
frequent host to host tonight's show like Steve
Martin, Dan Ackroyd (who comes so damn close to
hosting whenever he guest stars with John Goodman),
Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, or heck, even John Goodman.
But nope, we just get Julia Stiles, who I couldn't
care less about (yet another host I don't care about
this season ­- damn!). At least the musical guest is an
old SNL favorite -­ Aerosmith who, no doubt, will be
put into a sketch like they always are. Not really
looking forward to tonight's episode and this season
has been generally bad, but we'll see what they can
pull off tonight. Maybe we'll at least see a cameo
from somebody special.

COLD OPENING: Martha Stewart Living
Finally! A non-Will Ferrell and/or Darrell Hammond
cold opening. The first time this season I think this
has happened.
Martha Stewart sketches are always funny, and this was
no exception. It was kinda weird though, seeing a
Martha Stewart sketch opening the show.
Rating: ****

MONOLOGUE ­ Julia Stiles
This was a lot like Charlize Theron's monologue, and
Tracy's chat with Garth Brooks and Jamie Foxx last
season. Anyway, Tracy was funny in this and kept this
Rating: ***1/2

COMMERCIAL: Parental Anxiety Disorder
A repeat from the Sean Hayes episode. Don't you think
they're repeating this a little too early? If they
don't have any new commercials, why don't they just
forget about it and go on with the show, instead of
giving us these same old commercials?

SKETCH: Wake Up Wakefield
This was a really dull sketch, but Horatio added a lot
to this. The character he played reminded me a lot of
my drivers education teacher. He acts exactly like
that. Anyway, I know this sketch will probably be
recurring. Like we need ANOTHER FREAKING SUCKY
I seriously think Rachel's played more guys on the
show than she's played girls.
Rating: *

SKETCH: Annoying Airport Security Guards Take It to
the Post Office (sorry, I can't think of a better
As soon as it was revealed that this sketch was the
return of those annoying Airport security characters
from the Mena Suvari episode, I could hear the groans
of the 1000 or so SNL fans watching. Don't worry ­ I
was groaning along with you. We all feared these
characters would return. Like I said before, as if we
need another sucky recurring sketch!!! It seems like
they're doing to these characters like what they did
to Cheri's Simma-Dah-Nah character ­ have them go in
different settings in each sketch where there's a
waiting line. At least Maya didn't say that annoying
"If you put up a fight, you ain't getting' on the
flight" catchphrase.
Horatio again acts badly. Why is he doing this so
often lately? I know he can do better than this.
At first, when Maya yelled to "Dave" off-screen, I was
hoping David Spade would make a cameo, since when he
was on the show, he did sketches like these (Buh-Bye,
Dick Clarks Receptionist). Too bad it didn't happen.
Kattan really screwed up his "It's not a package, it's
a letter" line.
The only thing I laughed at was Julia Stiles' ghetto
talk. The ending was pretty weak, though. I thought
Maya was going to act all nice to Julia at first, then
end up yelling louder at her, or maybe bring out David
Spade and have him deal with her, only to end up
asking her out on a date, or something like that.
Rating: *

WEEKEND UPDATE ­ Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
Damn, there were goofs galore during Update, even
moreso than usual. First, it took Jimmy almost forever
to say "and I'm Jimmy Fallon". Then when Jimmy was
telling the first joke, the camera wouldn't show the
picture that usually shows up next to next to the
anchors, and for the rest of Update, the technicians
kept fumbling with the pictures and trying to get it
in the right place, completely messing up Jimmy and
Tina's jokes. Who are these idiot goofballs who keep
screwing up the cameras and stuff? It's happened all
throughout this season's Updates. I'm surprised Lorne
hasn't even fired those guys' asses yet.
Darrell's Arnold Schwartzenegger bit was pretty good.
His impression has improved since the last time he did
in last season's Danny DeVito episode.
David Copperfield's cue-card bit had no point to it.
An okay Update. I'm glad Update wasn't so short like
it's been for the past few weeks.
Rating: ***1/2

SKETCH: Director Suel Forrester
This character hasn't been done in ages. Why'd they
bring it back again now? Besides, these sketches are
always so predictable.
Was Jimmy wearing the same outfit he wore in last
week's Molecular Man sketch?
In one part, Jimmy looked like he was cracking up.
Will Ferrell too ­ he had this goofy smile on this
face for no apparent reason.
Julia Stiles looked a lot like Charlize Theron in this
Rating: **

SKETCH: Stefay and Booshka (or whatever their names
Nothing much to say about this expect "boring". I
could barely understand a word Rachel was saying. It
was like watching the Suel Forrester sketch all over
Rating: *

MISCELLANEOUS: An SNL Digital Short by Adam McKay ­
"The Doberman"
Yet another film from that Adam McKay loser. As of
now, I refuse to force myself to watch Adam McKay's
garbage films. They're all pointless, dumb, unfunny,
and just completely strange, and like I said before,
when McKay joins the cast, the show is going down.
Rating: Who cares?

SKETCH: Apollo Amateur Night
Was there even a point to this, or anything funny
about it?
Rating: *

SKETCH/COMMERCIAL: Willy Sluggs' Eye Poppers
This was awful. At first, I thought this was a
continuation of the previous sketch since Jerry Minor
and Julia appeared to be playing the same characters,
but this was still just as bad.
Rating: *

SKETCH: Der Lacheln Beherrscht
I have mixed feelings about this sketch. I left me
saying "What the hell?" but it also had me laughing
my ass off at the same time. A very, very bizarre
sketch, but a classic compared to the rest of this
show. What really confuses me is why Nickelodeon would
even show something like this in the first place.
Rating: ****

MISCELLAENOUS: Happy St. Patrick's day from Guinness
and Van Morrison
Pardo's microphone screwed up at the beginning.
Speaking of microphones, was something wrong with
Jimmy's microphone, because I could hardly hear him?
This was pointless, and I have no idea who Jimmy was
impersonating, so I really didn't understand this.
Rating: N/A

GOODNIGHTS: Damn, why'd they cut it off? They still
had a full 3 minutes left. Also, who was that guy
wearing the green hat that ran up on stage?

Overall Episode Rating: F

You know, I know giving an episode an F seems really
harsh, and I'm not trying to be harsh, but I can't
think of anything great in this episode that could've
stopped it. Not even worthy of a D-. There weren't any
good sketches at all. They could've done better than
this. Heck, even throw in a Smigel cartoon. Julia
Stiles was a good host but working on very bad
material. Where was Aerosmith's sketch?

BEST SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: Der Lacheln Beherrscht
BLOOPERS OF THE NIGHT: Chris Kattan screwing up a line
in "Post Office" sketch, Jimmy and Will cracking up in
the Suel Forrester sketch, Pardo's microphone in the
Van Morrison bit
the Der Lacheln Beherrscht sketch

Cast Member Count Down:
Jimmy Fallon: 4 sketches (Wake Up Wakefield, Weekend
Update, Suel Forrester, Guiness and Van Morrison)
Will Ferrell: 6 sketches (Parental Anxiety Disorder,
Suel Forrester, Stefay and Booshka, The Doberman,
Willy Sluggs, Der Lacheln Beherrscht)
Ana Gasteyer: 5 sketches (Martha Stewart, Parental
Anxiety Disorder, Post Office, Stefay and Booshka,
Darrell Hammond:1 sketch (Weekend Update)
Chris Kattan: 3 sketches (Post Office, Suel Forrester,
Willy Sluggs)
Tracy Morgan: 4 sketches (Monologue, Parental Anxiety
Disorder, Post Office, Apollo)
Chris Parnell: 6 sketches (Parental Anxiety Disorder,
Post Office, Suel Forrester, Apollo, Willy Sluggs, Der
Lacheln Beherrscht)
Horatio Sanz: 4 sketches (Wake Up Wakefield, Post
Office, Suel Forrester, Der Lacheln Beherrscht)
Rachel Dratch: 2 sketches (Wake Up Wakefield, Stefay
and Booshka)
Tina Fey: 1 sketch (Weekend Update)
Jerry Minor: 3 sketches (Post Office, Apollo, Willy
Maya Rudolph: 5 sketches (Wake Up Wakefield, Post
Office, Stefay and Booshka, Apollo, Willy Sluggs)

Parnell in da house with 6 sketches! Will Ferrell had
6 sketches, too, but I'm more excited about Parnell,
who lately seems to be getting the airtime he
deserves. We also got to see Tracy Morgan for a good
majority of tonight's show, even though he played
himself in all the sketches. And surprisingly, Maya
had 5 sketches tonight - I think this is the most any
of the featured players this season have been used in
an episode.

Alec Baldwin is hosting the next live episode on April
7!!! Yessss!!!!!!!!!! Baldwin is always an awesome
host and I'm sure he'll do a great job again. I hope
they'll have Goodman cameo so they can bring back Bill
Brasky. Hopefully, Baldwin will pull us out of this
slump that the show's been in for a while.

That's my review. I'm outta heah!

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