Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey / G Unit
January 17, 2004
(COLD OPENING) Howard Dean calls county chairmen
Highlights:
-- Jeff's Howard Dean impression has improved a little from the last few times he played him. I could tell he's been working on the voice this time.
-- Jeff/Dean cursing the people out on the phone.
-- Parnell's comment about the medication.
-- Nice to see Jeff saying the opening line for his first time.
Lowlights:
-- None.
Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- They messed up the bleeping. You could tell that Jeff didn't actually curse and there was one part when he was supposed to say "fuck yourself" and they bleeped "yourself" instead of "fuck".
Grade: B+
(MONOLOGUE...or DUOLOGUE) Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey's variety show
Highlights:
-- Jessica reading the wrong line off the "card thingies".
Lowlights:
-- This old-timey variety show gimmick was pretty lame and the ending was awkward with Nick's obvious microphone problems.
-- The "G-Unit/gun it" joke was already used in the SNL promos earlier in the week and was funnier then.
Grade: C-
(COMMERCIAL) "Tylenol Extreme"
Highlights:
-- Finally, a NEW commercial.
-- The various crotch hits and resulting facial expressions were hilarious.
Lowlights:
-- None.
Grade: A
(SKETCH) "Z-105"
Highlights:
-- Jessica believing Jimmy/Joey Mack's voices were real and that Nick did all that stuff he said.
Lowlights:
-- The rest was the usual bad Z-105 stuff.
-- Jessica's overacting started getting annoying toward the end.
Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- Jimmy's black guy voice seems to me like he's doing a Tracy Morgan impression, especially the "sweet like bear meat" line.
Grade: D
(SKETCH) Singing waiters at El Cantador
Highlights:
-- The ending was funny.
Lowlights:
-- The singing.
Grade: D+
(NEXT LIVE EPISODE) February 7, 2004: Megan Mullally
-- She's funny and should do a good job and this will hopefully be better than last season's Eric McCormack disaster, but I was hoping Debra Messing would be the Will and Grace star to host this season since I put her in my Guess the Hosts list. She probably couldn't host now, though, since she's pregnant and... wellI don't think SNL's had many pregnant female hosts before. Also, I'm happy that Clay Aiken's just the musical guest, and not hosting.
(SKETCH) American Idol's worst singers
Highlights:
-- Amy as Madonna.
-- Finesse as Kelis.
-- Parnell/Simon's comment to Finesse/Kelis.
Lowlights:
-- Some of Parnell/Simon's insults fell flat.
Grade: B-
(SKETCH) "The Newlyweds - Golden Anniversary Season"
Highlights:
-- The photo of the Olsen twins as old women and "Blanket Jackson" all grown up.
-- The Soylent Green reference and Jessica's line at the end.
Lowlights:
-- The rest of this could've been better.
Grade: C
(SKETCH) A Message from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
Highlights:
-- Some of Rachel's lines.
Lowlights:
-- Most of this fell flat.
Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- Weird how the last 3 sketches were all parodies of reality shows.
Grade: D
(MUSICAL PERFORMANCE)
-- No comment.
(WEEKEND UPDATE) Fallon & Fey, Michael Jackson, Donald Trump, Professors Patrick & Gunther Kelly
Highlights:
-- Tina's Lewinsky joke.
-- Tina's sex joke.
-- Jimmy's Star Jones joke.
-- The return of the Kelly Brothers! Their songs always crack me up, and helped save this Update.
Lowlights:
-- The opening Michael Jackson jokes.
-- The bit with Amy as Michael Jackson.
-- I didn't get the Frasier/The Producers joke.
-- The Donald Trump segment started out funny, but then it just devolved into a bit about his and Jimmy's hair (although the "Onion Loaf" comment made me laugh).
-- Tina's Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes are usually funny, but this one was lame.
-- The Jack White/guitar-throwing bit was just weird.
-- Tina's Madonna joke.
-- Jimmy's Frankie Muniz comment bombed.
Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- I guess you could call this the 4th sketch in a row parodying a reality show, since the Donald Trump segment was about The Apprentice.
Grade: C-
(SKETCH) "The Sharon Osbourne Show"
Highlights:
-- Some of Rachel's comments as the sex lady.
Lowlights:
-- Amy's Sharon Osbourne voice got annoying at times.
-- Most of this was boring and the Ozzy bits could've been funnier.
Grade: C-
You could see Garrett Morris in the audience during the commercial break after the previous sketch.
(SKETCH) Old lady at Victoria's Secret
Highlights:
-- A few funny parts.
-- Some of Maya's various different terms for "her business".
Lowlights:
-- Dragged during parts.
-- The ending sucked.
Grade: C
(SKETCH) Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company
Highlights:
-- The sexual innuendo songs were hilarious.
-- Parnell's reactions to the songs and his angry outburst.
-- Finesse admitting he wrote the gay song.
Lowlights:
-- The "in a nutshell" joke at the beginning.
Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- They might as well have had extras play Rachel, Jeff, Forte, and Fred's roles. They were only on camera for a few seconds at the beginning and they had no lines. They should've at least cut to their reactions to Horatio/Bubba's songs.
-- Was this the Bubba Sparxxx sketch that somebody on this board said got cut from the show last week? I heard in that one, Kenan played Bubba Sparxxx, which sounds ridiculous.
Grade: B
(MUSICAL PERFORMANCE)
-- No comment.
(SKETCH/COMMERCIAL) DynaCorp
Highlights:
-- The "Chicken of the Sea" variations getting more and more ridiculous as the sketch went on.
-- Forte singing in a chicken costume!
Lowlights:
-- Jessica's overacting was really annoying here. And what was with the weird way she just walked off at the end?
Grade: B
_________________________________________________
Overall Episode Grade: C
Overall Highlights:
-- Howard Dean calls county chairmen.
-- Tylenol Extreme.
-- Finesse as Kelis and Parnell's comment in American Idol.
-- The Kelly Brothers on Weekend Update.
-- Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company.
Overall Lowlights:
-- Jessica Simpson's overacting in several sketches.
-- Z-105.
-- A Message from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.
-- Weekend Update.
-- The Sharon Osbourne Show.
Funniest Single Moment:
-- Forte in a chicken costume.
Best Lines:
-- Chris Parnell as advisor: "I can't tell you how important it is to form personal relationships with these county chairmen. Even if they're not with us now, we'll need them in November."
Jeff Richards as Howard Dean: "Believe me, I'm strokin' them."
-- Jeff Richards as Howard Dean: "(on the phone) Trust me, this is a really boring place. Nothing but corn and fat people. (pause) Well, no offense, but your own family, for example."
-- Chris Parnell as Simon Cowell: "Your singing is wretched and your outfit is ridiculous - I can see your vagina."
-- Nick Lachey: "Chicken of the Sea is people! It's people!!"
Jessica Simpson: "No wonder why it makes me toot."
-- Tina Fey: "A new restaurant in Australia is opening called 'Lewinsky's', inspired by former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Eat there once, pay for it the rest of your life."
-- Darrell Hammond as Donald Trump: "My new show, The Apprentice, is a classy, bold, and brassy hit like everything I put my name on -- my buildings, my casinos, and my women."
-- Jimmy Fallon: "It [the Spirit Rover] wakes up, rolls off a platform, moves 10 feet, and calls it a day. Apparently, the Rover has been programmed to mimic the movements of Star Jones."
-- Chris Parnell as announcer: "DynaCorp -- bringing you everything from Chicken of the Sea Tuna to Shoepolish of the Outhouse Brand Typing Paper. DynaCorp - the Kangaroo Rat of the Billiard Room."
CASTMEMBER COUNT DOWN
DRATCH: 4 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: A Message from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie; 3: The Sharon Osbourne Show; 4: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
FALLON: 4 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Z-105; 3: American Idol's worst singers; 4: Weekend Update)
FEY: 2 sketches (1: American Idol's worst singers; 2: Weekend Update)
FORTE: 4 sketches (1: American Idol's worst singers; 2: Weekend Update; 3: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company; 4: DynaCorp)
HAMMOND: 1 sketch (1: Weekend Update)
MEYERS: 4 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Tylenol Extreme; 3: Singing waiters at El Cantador; 4: American Idol's worst singers)
PARNELL: 7 sketches (1: Howard Dean calls county chairmen; 2: Duologue; 3: Tylenol Extreme; 4: American Idol's worst singers; 5: A Message from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie; 6: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company; 7: DynaCorp)
POEHLER: 5 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Singing waiters at El Cantador; 3: American Idol's worst singers; 4: Weekend Update; 5: The Sharon Osbourne Show)
RICHARDS: 4 sketches (1: Howard Dean calls county chairmen; 2: Tylenol Extreme; 3: American Idol's worst singers; 4: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
RUDOLPH: 4 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: American Idol's worst singers; 3: The Newlyweds - Golden Anniversary Season; 4: Old lady at Victoria's Secret)
SANZ: 6 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Tylenol Extreme; 3: Singing waiters at El Cantador; 4: American Idol's worst singers; 5: The Sharon Osbourne Show; 6: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
ARMISEN: 5 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Tylenol Extreme; 3: American Idol's worst singers; 4: Weekend Update; 5: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
MITCHELL: 3 sketches (1: Tylenol Extreme; 2: American Idol's worst singers; 3: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
THOMPSON: 4 sketches (1: Duologue; 2: Tylenol Extreme; 3: Old lady at Victoria's Secret; 4: Bubba Sparxxx performs for nut growing company)
Parnell was the star of the night.
FIN.